It's been a traumatic couple of days...

So, as evidenced by the title of my post, it's been a traumatic couple of days. I would be lying if I said that I thought I would have no problems with all of the major life changes that I have been making, so while I'm not surprised at the semi-nervous breakdown I had this morning, it also wasn't an experience I would like to duplicate anytime soon. 

Friday

Last day at MSKCC. To me, the end of an era. 2 and 1/2 years is a long time. It's hard for me to think that tomorrow, there will be someone else sitting at my desk, dealing with my MDs and speaking with my patients. I will give myself some credit though, I only cried twice all day. Once when my amazing co-workers surprised me with cake and flowers (please see picture below), and again when I was saying good-bye to one of the MDs that I work with. I can't say enough how strange it is to me that I will no longer spend the hours of 9am to 5pm, Monday through Friday, working at Memorial. 

Luckily for me, I did have some awesome plans for after work (otherwise, I think there would have been a strong possibility that I would have gone back to my apartment, gotten in bed, turned off the lights and cried). SWK, Natasha, Stephanie B. and I went to the best barbeque place in all of NYC, Hill Country. If you haven't been, I highly recommend it. Not only is all of the food delicious, they sell PBRs at the bar and there is also live country music most nights. Next time, I'm bringing my cowboy boots and starting a line dance. 

Once dinner was finished, it was time to head back uptown where the remainder of Friday night was spent drinking tea (b/c i'm clearly an 80 year-old woman) and watching "The Social Network." I'm not sure I can think of a better night; good food, movie, kitty cats to cuddle with. It more than made up for the traumatic experience of leaving my job. 

Saturday

Here's where things started to get a little out of control. I met SWK and Natasha at what used to be one of my favorite diners on the UES, Green Kitchen. We were so ready for eggs benedict, coffee and OJ until the waiter swung by with our food. The canadian bacon was moldy! GROSS! Not only was it moldy, but then the manager started to argue with us, trying to tell us that it wasn't mold, it was the spices from the potatoes. Now, we're smart girls, so we definitely weren't buying it. We got up and took our business elsewhere. Gracie Mew's is now my favorite diner in the neighborhood and I would advise anyone and everyone to bypass Green Kitchen. 

After brunch it was time to take the plunge and start packing up my apartment. I am lucky to have some of the best friends in the entire world, and they volunteered to help me begin the cleansing process. Let me just say, SWK is ruthless. As she was throwing things into boxes (for keeping) or into garbage bags (good will) I seriously saw my clothing life flash in front of my eyes. There were tears, screaming and even the occasional swipe at SWK as she would literally pry an item of clothing out of my hands. Natasha was there for moral support and I'm sure that she found the entire situation hilarious as I sat in my desk chair, clutching a gray sweater vest, rocking back and forth with tears streaming down my face, as SWK took no prisoners and made me get rid of 60% of my wardrobe. Man that was painful! To be fair, she had a point, especially when we pulled out my 6th gray cardigan (I think I might have a problem). 

At least dinner was relaxing. A bottle of white wine, brussel sprouts, squash soup, baguette, cheese and nutella. Yum! I'm very big on using alcohol as a form of self-medication (don't worry, it's not life  I have a problem, it's just been doing a very good job of taking the edge off). 

Sunday

Today was when things started to unravel a little. Tomorrow, I leave to spend a couple of days down in Palm Beach. Doesn't that sound relaxing? That's what I thought too, until I started to try to pack my bag. I went to pick up my laundry from the place around the corner, only to discover that they're not open on Sundays. I am such an idiot. Natasha even said to me yesterday, "Rach, you should probably go pick up your laundry now." What did I do? Nothing, and now I am screwed. So, I'm in my room, trying to get my stuff together and all of a sudden I'm having a panic attack. Tears, trouble breathing, the works. I literally spent about an hour just walking back and forth between one end of my apartment and the other. Then of course, not only was a frantic, but I was also freaking out because I couldn't stop myself from being frantic. Oh the cycle continues. 

My poor parents! I was supposed to meet them to see a show (The Importance of Being Ernest) and for dinner afterwards at DB Bistro Moderne (by the way, not worth it, don't bother). I was basically catatonic the entire time. There's no way I was good company at all. 

Anyway, Florida tomorrow and I hope that helps me to take my mind off things. Again, my most heartfelt thanks to SWK and Natasha, I really wouldn't be able to do this without the two of you.

One month and counting

Yesterday I received an e-mail detailing my staging information. Contrary to what I originally though, my staging will not be in Philly. Tear. Too bad, because I had it all planned out and everything. It will instead be in Washington D.C. That means, I will be counting on you Shobs, to come and sit with me on the night of Monday March 7 when I am crying hysterically in my hotel room.

I now have an amtrak ticket to D.C. and flight itinerary from Dullas to Dakar. No turning back now, I guess this means I'm really going. I'm excited, and nervous too, I mean, who wouldn't be. It does sort of feel like a lot of things are happening all at once. I have my staging information, most of the equipment I will need, my last day at work is Friday and then all I have left to do is pack up my apartment and put all my stuff in storage.

So...work ending. The feelings are bittersweet. While I've definitely had my complaints over the past two and half years (most of them being with my supervisor), at the end of the day I do really enjoy my job. I work with some amazing people. (A special shout-out to Anne Marie and Marissa who made me the most AWESOME survival kit! Notice the Dora the Explorer band-aids with "Rachel the Explorer super-imposed on the box, not to mention the notebook which was hand-decorated. Please see picture below)

I'm also going to miss all of my patients. I know that most of the people I only knew over the phone, but that doesn't make it any easier. Some of these people I spoke to everyday. It's hard to think that I will never hear their voices again, not only that, but their futures are uncertain and it won't be my place to keep tabs on them. I will be thinking of these people often and wishing the very best for them. 

I also can't help but think about all the things that I will miss while I'm away. Experiences more than actual things. I sat on the floor of my living room last night with SWK and Natasha, drinking wine, eating mexican food and laughing. I won't get to do that with them for the next 27 months. No more nice dinners at JoJo or strolling through the farmer's market at Union Square. I won't be able to run around the reservoir in Central Park (not like I did it all that much, but it was still an option). No more bloody marys at Friend of a Farmer or shopping at the cute boutiques in Soho. Whoa! How did this turn into a post about missing New York City? I guess I might as well go with it at this point. I LOVE NEW YORK! There's no place like it and I will miss it.

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

I know what you're all thinking, that today is Wednesday and not Sunday. I'm a little late on this one, I'll admit. But I figure better late then never.

After laying around like a bum on Saturday, I decided that Sunday was a day for making things happen. I decided to be adventerous and check out the Paragon Sports down in Union Square. Let's just say I'm surprised I made it through the door. I can't remember the last time I was so overwhelmed in a store, and I'm most definitely an experienced shopper. I was able to do little more then walk in and walk out. In the few minutes that I did spend in the store, I was approached by no less then FIVE different store employees, all who asked if I needed help. Clearly, I must have had some sort of confused/panicked look on my face to elicit such a reaction from so many different store associates. Needles to say, Paragon Sports = BUST!

My next stop was Soho, EMS was having a winter clearence sale. I figured at the very least, I had been to the EMS store before, so I shouldn't look like a lost, wandering child. I also had the added benefit of SWK. Yes, that is a person, not some type of handheld device or multi-purpose tool. She is my resident outdoorsy expert and I met her down at the EMS store. I figured I was safe, all of my dumb questions could be directed her way and I could avoid the EMS staff all together. Little did I realize that the ridicule I would face would come not from the store employees, but from other EMS patrons.

I have spent many, many hours searching on the internet for PCV packing lists. This has pretty much become my new number one hobby. 99% of the time, a packing list makes mention of a leatherman tool and how incredibly usefull it is and how one would not be able to survive without it during the course of their service. I'm a trusting individual, so I'm going to take everyone's word for that. Therefore, I was intrigued when I found a whole section (albeight a small one) that displayed several different options for leatherman tools. As I am contemplating my different options, a man walks up to me. He looks me up and down, takes in the two different tools I am holding and says, "you're not shopping for yourself, are you?" Now, I may be overly sensetive, but when I heard him say that, it sounded like much more of a statement then it did a question. I could feel myself turn red as I turned to answer him, "no, I'm looking for myself," I said. The response I got to that one; a long chuckle and a shrug.

0 for 2

I realize that at first glance I don't look like the most outdoorsy of people, but come on! This is Manhattan! Not only that, but I was in Soho, one of the trendiest shopping districts in the city. I was certainly not the only one in the store dressed in the Manhattan state of mind.

After that I decided to call it quits. Dinner at Shake Shack and a movie (No Strings Attached - I highly recommend it) was the perfect way for me to recover. Add in some kitty cuddling, and I felt much better.

Cut to this afternoon at work. We have a rather large (not quite walk-in, but kind of close) closet that I put my coat in everyday. As I was rumaging through my coat pockets, I turned to see one of the MDs trying to get by (when the door opens, it blocks a good majority of the walkway). "I'm sorry," I said, only to have the door shut (not quite completely, but almost) in my face. Yes, that's right, today at work I got shut in a closet. Why do things like this keep happening to me? Shut in a closest? At work? Is that not one of the most ridiculous work stories you have ever heard?

I think it might take a while to recover from that one. At least I have dinner at JoJo tonight to help me ease my pain. Good food, good friends (SWK + Natasha G.), good times. I see a glass of wine/dirty martini in my future...